thesis woes

After being relatively sure this entire semester about what I was interested in for my thesis proposal in the spring, I think I'm going to change it. After one of my colleagues was told in no uncertain terms that he wasn't ready to propose, it made me think seriously about the kind of information of which I already should have a good knowledge, and iI don't feel like I can acquire that knowledge in the short upcoming months.

I'm considering expanding on my current paper topic for my 19th century art class, and I don't feel like I would be sacrificing anything if I did that. My topic is very interesting, and seems to have a lot of aspects that could be expanded; it would be dealing with some of the same issues that I would have been anyway, just gaining a historical footing instead of how those things occur in art that is being made today. And (maybe most importantly) I know who would be on my thesis committee, and they're all people with whom I want to be able to work closely. I may be able to find a geography professor also.

After the research I've done for this paper, and how much more could still be done, I'm concerned about having the time to develop something that isn't building on something that I've already researched for class. I'm going to talk with my 19th century professor about it next week to find out if she thinks it's a viable subject.

consultation

The prof. I'm assisting has finally (probably after seeing the results of the mid-term) acknowledged that his class is not succeeding. Yesterday only 20 (out of about 30) students showed up, and after the break only 12 returned to class. He emailed me today to tell me that he has requested a consultation from the education department.

There are a lot of things missing from the class, but I'd say that one of the main things is facilitation of interest. He assumes that the people are already interested in the class; I know that it's a requirement that they be there (as are all classes that are towards one's coursework). The trick is to create interest in the class where there initially was none. Instead the opposite is happening - students are becoming apathetic.

I wonder how he has been successful with this teaching style in the past? This isn't his first time teaching...is our university culture so different that it's not working here? Or has he been treating all of his classes this way and just not listening to the feedback of the students/TAs (though I think I may be the first).

chores

This semester's TA assignment has been frustrating beyond all belief. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing all of the important professorial duties outside of the classroom.

For instance, Professor decided to have the mid-term later than most other classes. Of course the students were happy to be able to put it off, but now he and I are in a crunch to get them all "graded" (I'm using this term in the loosest possible manner) in time to recommend that any failing students either get to work or withdraw.

I just sent him an email about this because I'm sure that he has no idea about the looming deadline. I also have a sneaking suspicion that he's going to ask me to notify the students who are in trouble, which I don't believe is appropriate.

Before the mid-term he told students that they only had to try as hard on it as they think they should. He said that if they feel like they've been doing too much work all semester than they probably have been and that they didn't have to take the mid-term so seriously in that case. For those that have been slacking off, the mid-term is their shot to keep their grade passable. I don't know how, as the one reading these, to grade feelings. The majority of the mid-terms are embarrassingly assembled, with no indication to me that they understand the concepts.

I think that if this is how his grading system works, he should try to operate within it himself. What will happen, though, is that everyone will get an A.

Also, he wants to revise the syllabus, which I think is pretty much not allowed. After all the syllabus is the contract between the professor and the student - changing the expectations midway through is not fair.

literature review

for one of my classes (the one I haven't complained about), I've been researching information that will probably become a part of my thesis proposal when I write that next spring.

It's more difficult than I expected to keep the two projects separate right now - I feel torn because I have to do the literature review for my potential thesis topic (so I can be sure that my idea is even viable), but it's cutting into my time doing the literature review for my other paper (which will also directly bear on my proposal).

I thought that having a similar topic would help keep things simple, but it's just jumbling all my ideas up into a big knot.

communism doesn't work in the classroom

I've decided to take a Rand-ian stance to the blog project that my professor has got us working on. I'm trying to walk the thin line between being cooperative and maintaining my own original ideas and research.

In class last week, Professor told us that he wanted us to try and write with a collective voice, meaning that we would all have the opportunity to write, edit each other's writing, etc. Ok, fine, whatever. We went to see the current Important Exhibition, and when we were talking about it, nobody really had anything exciting to say. Some of us (like me) were holding back because of the previous week's debacle.

In all honesty, there were things in the exhibition that sparked my interest, but I'm not going to write about them as part of the class blog. If I'm going to be doing all (or most) of the work, why should I contribute it to a project where someone else will share the credit for doing very little critical thought? I know it sounds like I have a superiority complex, but that isn't it. We are all in the class because we don't know how to use critical language to analyze art. It's no fault of the rest of the class (primarily made up of first-year grads) that they haven't had the instruction to do what they are being asked to do.

In a class where any concept that we don't understand (and that Prof isn't an expert on) is answered by being told to do the research ourselves and present it to the class so everyone (including Professor) can understand it, I'm loathe to bring up any critical discussion. So, I'm removing my thoughts from the discourse. At least about things that I think could develop into something. If I collaborate on a paper, it will be with someone who will contribute as much as I do.

very sad day

Robert Jordan has died. The Wheel of Time is unfinished. Whatever will happen to Rand et. al.?

overheard from a coworker

"I hate all this University Lecture Series stuff. I mean talk about a waste of money. All people do is throw it away."

When working in a department that has no connection to the academic side of things, I shouldn't be surprised to hear something like this.

[Update: Said coworker just received an email from the staffing director requesting a meeting this afternoon. Now I have to overhear this conversation: "Do you know what? I think I'm getting laid off...pisses me off." I've heard it 4 times already in the last 3 minutes.]

media art histories

While perusing Google Scholar, I found this nice site that has full-text papers that were presented at Refresh!, a conference on the history of media art, science, and technology. Looks pretty interesting.

Media Art Histories Archive

under the radar

I'm going anonymous...at least for a little while. One of my class projects is going to involve a blog, and I don't necessarily want people that I know to stumble across this yet. My professor asked in class last night if anyone blogged, and I did not fess up. It's less embarrassment (I don't use this for passive/aggressive venting purposes) and more just the fact that I am a private person at heart, and don't know if I want acquaintances reading this yet. My ultimate purpose in keeping a blog is to hopefully be able to flesh out ideas as I write (I know, there's been very little of that so far...)

Also, there's the issue of intellectual property. I've already had the problem crop up a couple of times with people close to me, and I don't want to have to deal with it at this formative stage of my research.

If I end up using this blog as I really want to, my identity will be public at some point in the future.

changes

I found out yesterday that my university has changed their policy on tuition waivers for graduate teaching assistants. Our tuition is now only covered for a portion of the number of credits that we need to take each semester to stay on a 3-year graduation track.

My options are (a) take 9 free credit hours per semester (2 classes and 1 directed study) and propose my thesis a year from now (the beginning of my third year, turning this into a 4 year program), or (b) pay the ~$800 per semester (thank jebus for in-state tuition) to stay on track and take 12 credit hours (3 classes) and propose in the spring.

I will more than likely do option (b), but it just means that now I can't take any classes outside the department, unless I really want to start shelling out lots of money. Languages are out of the question, at least until I propose my thesis.

The pressing question for this semester is, do I exchange one of my classes for a directed study? Admittedly, I'm not terribly passionate about any of my prospective classes for the fall. My adviser had told me that it is possible to take the thesis writing course the semester before you propose, meaning that I could have a 4-credit directed study, giving me 3 classes, and then propose in the spring.

The visiting professor who is teaching critical thought/contemporary art is very knowledgeable about communes, the 60s, etc. I'm thinking that my thesis will take the direction of situating contemporary interactive art as a descendant of both happenings and the situationists, so he's definitely my guy. If I went through thesis writing now, it would help me solidify my ideas, then I'd just need to do 12 more credits in the spring and propose. In the end, the possibility of doing two massive directed studies might help me to write my thesis more quickly. But of course, since he's not permanent faculty, I'm left without a committee chair until next year when the permanent 20th century professor returns from his fellowship, at which time everything may change.

I meet with my (other) adviser tomorrow...so far the number one thing that grad school has taught me is not to plan too far in advance for anything...professors leave, universities change policies, nothing is writ in stone.

snapshot

nice widget from bookmooch, but too obnoxious for the sidebar. i really like seeing all the cover art together.

as of this moment, these are the items on my wishlist:


Get free books from BookMooch.com

funny, i thought there would be more...

books

I was just updating my list of books on LibraryThing and I reached my free-account limit of 200 books. Now the dilemma: do I pay the $25 for a lifetime account? Is this a service I need?

Sometimes it seems like a valuable tool (especially since I have an associative memory and can often remember what a book looked like before I remember the title), and I do like updating it not only with books that I own, but also with books that I've read (borrowed from friends or the library).

I suppose it could come in handy if I can keep it updated with what books I've loaned out to whom, books that I've lost over the years that I'd like to acquire again. Or if the unthinkable happened and I lost them all in a fire or hurricane, I'd at least know what I'd lost.

I also really like the way that it, combined with BookMooch, can help me find books that I want and add newly mooched books to my library...but ultimately it becomes another social network, and another profile/set of data to keep up with.

This requires some consideration...

notes

I came to the realization last night that I cannot write without my notecard system.* I had hopes that I could get through a short paper without them, but I have had a very hard time organizing my thoughts.

It's a great system, but I've been hoping that I will find a better way. I just don't see this being practical for writing an 80-page thesis paper.

I've also come to realize how kinetic my learning/recall processes are. I seem to have to turn note-taking and paper-writing into a physical activity, with elements that can be physically rearranged, moved, thrown out, in order to produce and support an abstract idea. Maybe I am a frustrated artist, like some believe all art historians to be.

*Notecard System
1. Read sources with an open mind and without taking notes. Mark passages that seem important with post-its and pencil. Discard irrelevant sources.
2. At some point during the reading process, come up with an idea for the paper.
3. Skim the important passages from sources that have been pre-screened.
4. Make a numbered notecard with bibliographic information for each source that has any possibility of making it into the paper.
5. Make a notecard for each important passage, numbered in the top right corner to correspond with the bibliography card, and with page number at the bottom of the notecard.
6. Re-read notecards often during the writing process, arranging them into some sort of organized train of thought, and write directly from the passages/notes on the cards, using the numbers in the corner to keep track of which source to cite.

this is the 21st century, right?

I got my notice from Netflix in the mail today that my plan is now $1 cheaper, and I can watch up to 9 hours of movies on my PC. Unexpected bonus!

When I logged in to my account, though, I find out that not only is it not compatible with macs, it uses the new DRM-ed Windows Media Player or something (I can't be sure because I can play with the new toy).

Mac incompatibility seems like a major oversight/snafu to me.

Update: Now I'm using my PC at work - I wanted to see what the player looks like just out of curiosity. It's also not Firefox compatible - needs IE 6 or higher.

starry night

Second Life is a strange thing, and I'm not yet sure how I feel about it, but this is really beautiful.



According to the creator, the location no longer exists in Second Life, so you can't go and walk your avatar around a digital, Van Gogh-ized Saint-Remy (which I think is unfortunate). The finished product was always meant to be the film.

swampy

When I was getting coffee this morning, one of the women in the office went to the sink to dump out a big bucket of water. I asked her what it was from, and she said it's from the dehumidifier in her office. It has a 2-gallon capacity, and she empties it out twice a day. That's four gallons of water! From the air in one office! Ah, Florida.

It's too bad she just dumps it down the drain. It could help some thirsty plants or birds.

job search hell

When I started graduate school last fall, I was still working full time, about 30 hours/week. I was also doing a 10 hour/week assistantship for the department and taking two classes. It was hard. When I was at work, all I could think about was what class work I hadn’t finished, and when I was at school, I only thought about how much was going on at work. So I quit my job and did not look for another one.

Paying for my study abroad program was a strain on my spring financial aid (read: living expenses), more so than I expected. Luckily, I was awarded two scholarships, each for $1,000. One award was applied directly to my program fee, reducing the amount I needed to pay by $1k, the other was supposed to be a cash award that I expected to receive before leaving the country.

Around the middle of the semester I was also contacted by a former co-worker who now works in the development department at my university. She needed some help in her office and was going to create me a position, if I was interested. Even though at the time I didn’t necessarily want to begin working again (I had three seminar classes in the spring), I didn’t want to turn it down, so I agreed. Right after spring break, I also visited my old temp agency to get back on the books with them so I could work during the month between school ending and leaving for Paris.

Before I know it, the semester ends and funds are quickly dwindling. No calls from the temp agency, so I started looking around for other jobs: Starbucks, Borders, Barnes & Noble, a few shops at the mall. No takers. I did a little administrative work for one of my professors, but ultimately I had to ask my parents for a loan, and thankfully they were able to help me. So at least I had a little money for my 6-week trip.

About halfway through the trip, I received the devastating news that I wasn’t going to get the cash scholarship that I was promised – administrative errors or some such. My program director fought back, and the awarding organization agreed to pay, but with no anticipated date given.

I got home from Europe about 3 weeks ago and found myself in the same dire financial situation as before we left. None of the 15-20 jobs I had applied for called me back while I was away. A bill that was not supposed to charge me for the month of July did, and my rent check bounced. Luckily I had one credit card with a cash advance that helped me buy food for the last few weeks.

After suffering from severe anxiety all summer over lack of a job, I now find myself in the opposite situation: too many jobs. I got a call from a friend that her restaurant was hiring hostesses and she recommended me for the job. I went in and was hired, and started working that weekend. The former co-worker that I had been in contact with got approval for my position for 20 hours per week and I started yesterday. My 10 hour assistantship starts next week. Now I have slight anxiety about how I’m going to work 40 hours a week and still get my coursework done (and try to think about my thesis proposal next spring!). After the worry and catastrophic thinking that I went through this summer, though, I just couldn’t turn down any possible source for money.

I’ll just sleep less, I suppose.

Garbage Paper

Today I had planned to revise a paper from several years ago to submit for a scholarship. The topic is to be anything related to Florida history. When I opened my paper about Disney, nostalgia, and Celebration, this is what I found (this is the truncated version - the document that opened was 25 pages long!):

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Award winning!

This means that I have to find the hard copy (which I thankfully still have) and re-type the entire thing!

MacBook strangeness

I've had my MacBook for about 9 months; I've had some problems, but I'm sure not as many as others have.

About one month after I got it, the computer froze and the hard drive stopped spinning. I held down the power button, and after it shut down I couldn't restart it. Turns out it was a bad motherboard and processor. I got it back in the mail about three weeks later, as good as new.

All was going fine until about two months ago when it started randomly shutting down. After doing a little research, I found out that this was not an isolated problem. The first step recommended was to do a firmware update, which luckily solved the problem without having to send it away for a new logic board (late spring with three research papers looming is not the time to send away your computer).

Other strange things have been happening with my internet browsers. One day I opened Firefox to find that my default font had been changed from whatever Ariel family I had to an obnoxiously illegible font. After deleting and reinstalling Firefox, I finally realized that I would have to go through Font Book to find and remove the offending family (Linkin). I thought that solved the problem, but last week, I shut down my computer because it was running slow, and when I restarted, there was another horrible font in my browser (this time it was Jungle Life). I went through the same search and destroy in Font Book, and it seemed okay.

Two days ago I downloaded necessary software updates, rebooted my computer, and it happened again - Linkin was back even though I removed the font and emptied the trash. I found it, removed it, refreshed the browser, and it switched to Jungle Life again. Found that one, removed it, refreshed the browser, and so far so good. I thought perhaps it was just a Firefox issue, but during the most recent incident, I checked Camino and Safari and both of them were running the bad fonts too.

Statement of Purpose

I decided to start this blog because I feel like I need to write more. Class writing assignments, while challenging, are not enough. I felt the need to write on topics of my choosing: book reviews, short essays, etc....things that will help me when it's thesis-writing time. Perhaps this will fall by the wayside once classes start again, or perhaps I can use this as a place to store all of my thoughts about the topics I'll be researching. The latter would be my preference. Finding like-minded people to discuss ideas is always a plus as well.

Books

Books I picked up at the library today:

Game Cultures: Computer Games as New Media by Jon Dovey and Helen W. Kennedy
Sensorium: Embodied Experience, Technology, and Contemporary Art edited by Caroline A. Jones
The Laws of Cool: Knowledge Work and the Culture of Information by Alan Liu
Immersed in Technology: Art and Virtual Environments edited by Mary Anne Moser with Douglas MacLeod
Video Games & Interactive Media: A Glimpse at New Digital Entertainment by Stéphane Natkin (trans. Eric Novak)
Connected or What it Means to Live in the Network Society by Steven Shaviro
The Video Game Theory Reader edited by Mark J.P. Wolf & Bernard Perron

They're due back on September 5 - I hope to get them all read by then.